How much contact is too much

I feel that it is natural to look at her intently when I am so emotionally engaged that her request for me not to look at her is in essence a request to be less emotionally engaged in what I feel is an act of love.

Your thoughts please? Eye contact is such a tricky thing. It can be incredibly powerful and intimate or it can be creepy, intense and make us particularly women feel self-conscious.

But keep that gaze for too long and we associate it with psychopathic behavior. Your girlfriend finds prolonged eye contact during sex to be uncomfortable, which is not uncommon.

Many people find such intense looking to be vulnerable, awkward and sometimes anxiety-producing. This is true even in nonsexual settings and even with people we love. Plus, we all have different comfort levels when it comes to locking eyes. This is not to say that your loving gaze is wrong or bad or anything negative. However, improving your self-esteem can take years. Study one eye at a time.

Trying to look at both simultaneously is difficult and feels awkward. Tap into your natural curiosity by privately asking yourself questions about the discussion topic. Was it fun? Did she get jet-lagged? This technique makes it easier to move the conversation forward because it helps you come up with new questions to ask.

Too little eye contact can come off as nervous, submissive, or untrustworthy. Too much eye contact can come off as aggressive or overly intense.

This includes those brief pauses where you or the other person thinks about what to say next. Maintaining eye contact during silent moments comes off as intense and creates an awkward atmosphere. Move your eyes slowly and smoothly. In general, you should aim to make direct eye contact for approximately seconds at a time. When two or more in a group conversation feel slightly left out, the group is soon divided into several parallel conversations.

Try to divide your eye contact evenly among the people in the group. In general, people prefer others with similar personality traits and communication styles. Tone down your behavior when you want to connect with those who are less confident. Many people think that liars avoid eye contact. Lots of honest people have trouble keeping eye contact.

Therefore, eye contact is important if you want others to trust you. Research shows that people who make direct eye contact are perceived as more credible. If you want to signal that you find someone attractive, keep eye contact with that person when neither of you are talking.

Therefore, in this situation, you are the problem. Deal with yourself. The other person is not the cause of the tension and unease you feel, so resist the temptation to make them responsible for making you feel good about the situation. If you feel discomfort it is because you are anxiously trying to make something happen, while the other person is not there at all. The appropriate level of contact depends on how much the other person wants to hear from you.

You have no way of knowing that until they have shown you. If they are not showing you any clear signs, it is because they are nicely and subtly keeping you at arms length.

Remember, contact is always too much when the other person does not feel the same way about you. Contact is always irritating when one person is not picking up queues about lack of interest. Contact is always uncomfortable when a genuine connection has not been established. Contact is always a source of anxiety and tension when it is not right. Pay attention to your own self.

Are you building tension, or are you building mutual interest? If you doubt whether your texts are welcome, let that doubt be your guide. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. Email Address:. The Goddess Principles. Skip to content. Home About Events Contact Blog. Posted on October 30, by The Goddess Principles.

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